The entry I wish I didn't have to write

Hey all. Its been forever since I blogged. So sorry. I wish I could say that it was because I have been vacationing and too busy! Or shopping! How fun that would have been! Instead, I have some unfun, unfortunate news.. In the 18th week of my pregnancy, I went in for an ultrasound expecting to see the gender of my baby, but instead got my heart broke! I lost the baby. My baby wasn't moving, and we were informed that it passed away at 14wks... I miscarried the next day. I still don't know what happened, but the doctor is running blood tests to determine if I contracted a virus that infected my babe, causing fetal demise.

I am coping surprisingly well, although I have to admit I have a tender spot in my heart that is going to take some time to heal. On the up side, I have more energy, fat to burn and am back to work, busying myself on all occasions.

I am thankful for my great hubby, who has been loving and compassionate as his heart was broke too. It is comforting to have such wonderful little munchkins who make me smile by patting my head and telling me everything is ok when I'm sad. And I know that despite my loss, I am blessed. And in ending, I want to share this poem that I have found to be beautiful:

The Pillar of Cloud

LEAD, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home,—
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet! I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou
Shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years!

So long thy power hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on,
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.

by John Henry Newman.